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April 02 2020

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Someone: *is talking*

Me: oh. I should be processing this right now. Huh.

April 01 2020






the annoying thing about adhd is that like, most of the symptoms you can’t even argue are “evolutionary flaws” or “chemical imbalances.” literally it’s just that it’s not good for lining somebody else’s pockets. being “distractible” helps people notice predators or juicy berries out of the corners of their eyes. hyperfocusing on a task until it’s done is literally exactly in line with what an alleged persistence predator would need to do to actually follow through on hunting other animals. there’s so many little things that are obviously beneficial to have outside of a fucking factory assembly line


When I lived out in the woods and spent my time herding sheep and hunting bullfrogs, nobody gave two shits that I walked around barefoot and said whatever popped into my head out loud.

My hyperfocus and poor sense of time made me a hard worker, my compulsion to sort and organize random crap kept the property clean, and my special interest in native flora and fauna meant I could go out into the woods thanksgiving morning and come home with all the pricy mushrooms and herbs we couldn’t normally afford otherwise.

Who cared that I was awkward? There was nobody around except the occasional customer or temp worker, and those kinds of interactions could be entirely scripted.

Who cared that I dressed funny, had frizzy, dry hair, talked flat, and ate raw onions? Who gave two shits that I built forts out of scrap metal and twine? How did it matter that I passed time running in circles over old truck chassis’?

There were no bright lights, no packed-in crowds, no huge collections of shouty, screamy, smelly people. Nobody stared at me for more than a few seconds. Nobody critiqued my body language.

I was a bit odd, yeah, but all I knew was that I was smart and creative and better than other people at fixing problems.

I went damn near fifteen years out there not even suspecting I might be autistic. Nobody even thought to bring it up.

Now I’m in the city, and I have a hard time going into the middle of a store. I hate the mall. My eyes hurt. Ambulances and fire trucks and cars with bad brakes go by and I cover my ears and nobody else does. I’ve been told I come off as “quirky”.

My question is, though, if an atypical person is in an environment that suits them, can anyone tell?

Most folks only know who’s blind when the lights are on. If the sky went dark tomorrow, we’d have no idea.

Reading this as a clinically depressed bastard: wait y'all’s mental illnesses came with evolutionary perks?

Yeah, I’m good with ikea instructions

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…. I haven’t left my house in days and I still feel like this. 🤣



Day 1 of quarantine: I’m going to use this as an opportunity to learn a new language, learn an instrument, teach myself how to paint, work on writing, take up cooking, meditate, do a big house clean and re-organization, get around to reading that book…

Day 8 of quarantine: I haven’t left the couch in 17 hours

gentle reminder to everyone that this is okay and in fact Extremely Normal. while it may in some ways feel like it, this isn’t an unexpected vacation but rather a global historical event that is traumatizing. Becoming one with your couch is valid and okay. Let yourself rest.




The whole self love thing is good and all but some people can’t fathom being loved. They can’t imagine there being anything good about them. So they can’t simply just stop doing unhealthy things, there’s a process.

Before self love you have to invoke self tolerance and self neutrality.

If you can’t say “I love my body!” Begin by shutting down the “I hate my body” thoughts and saying “my body gets me from place to place.”

If you can’t say “I’m beautiful,” begin by shutting down the “I’m ugly” thoughts and saying “I’m a person.”

If you can’t say “I’m valuable” begun by shutting down the “I’m worthless” thoughts and say “all people deserve basic respect, and I’m a person.”

If you can’t say “I’m important,” or “I’m kind” say “I am the one who waters my plant every week” or “I am the one who tips the kind barista down the street” or “I am the one who makes sure my dog does not eat plastic” or “I am the one who leaves long comments on people’s fan fictions.”

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